Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?
A: Gifted !

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells ?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette ?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair ?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders ?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together !

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg ?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink ?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables !

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain ?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane ?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. 

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up ?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger ?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment ?
A: An IN-body experience !

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle ?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common ?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and the're fucked.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme ?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up ?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle ?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks ?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer ?
A: The joystick is wet
A2: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer ?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common ?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer ?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads ?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno !

Q: How do you kill a blonde ?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears ?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello ?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head ?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles ?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas ?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings ?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings ?
A: To put their feet through.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive ?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick ?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick ?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator ?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators ?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear ?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay ?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts ?
A: Cause their balls show !

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde ?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk !"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde ?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk !"

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing ?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet ? 
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave !?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home !"

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs ?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blondes like the GST ? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde ?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ?
A: A mental block.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind ?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in ?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning ?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning ?
A: Fertilized.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs ?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex ?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering ?
A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs ?
A: More leg room.

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde ?
A: Bucket seats.

Q: What do blondes say after sex ?
A1: "Thanks, Guys !"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band ?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
A5: Who were all those guys ?

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob ?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks ?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate ?

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm ?
A: *Who cares ?*

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm ?
A1: She drops her nail-file !
A2: Who cares ?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares ?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear ?
A: "Thanks for the refill !"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings ?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress ?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: Why do blondes have more fun ?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A1: "What's a lightbulb ?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady !"

Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine ?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami !"

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes ?
A: A wine cellar.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes ?
A: Peroxide.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes ?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde,
yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their
car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a
person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve
pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

Q: How do you know a blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.

Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: What do blonde virgins eat?
A: Baby food.

Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A: You need a quarter to use the phone.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a fony buck.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her
cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple
Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: You don't eat your bowling ball.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: Practice.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 
A: "How can I be sure it's mine?" 

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower? 
A: The green "WELCOME" mat is ripped all to shreds.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? 
A: Both are empty from the neck up.  

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 
A: 100 - one to stir and 99 to peel the M&Ms. 

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? 
A: You know how many men went down on the Titanic. 

Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie? 
A: Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted. 

Q: What do most blondes have against condoms? 
A: Their cheeks. 

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: The winner of a "Hide and Seek" game. 

Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself? 
A: Acupuncture. 

Q: Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday? 
A: So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday. 

Q: Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy? 
A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren. 

Q: Why was the blonde two hours late getting home? 
A: The escalator got stuck. 

Q: Why did the blonde stay up all night studying? 
A: She had a urine test the next day. 

Q: Why didn't the blonde vote? 
A: She didn't care who got in. 

Q: Why was the blonde housewife mad at her husband? 
A: He was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
A: A tree knows when it's being cut down! 

Q: Why coudn't the Virgin Mary had been blonde?  
A: Because then she would have been just 'Mary'